I love my son's hair. It is long and wild and strong and black and thick and curly. Beautiful in braids. Sometimes wild and free. Don't get me wrong. He is gorgeous with his hair cut short. Handsome with a curly 'fro. His hair has been a source of pride for him for so long.I remember his first hair cut. He was little. I still have the curls the woman clipped in a plastic bag, in a cabinet. His second hair cut was somewhat of a mistake. We wanted shorter curls
and the woman cut his hair into an ugly bob. We had to take the rest off to make it look better. I fought back tears when I arrived at the salon and saw what she had done to his hair. (Daddy went in with him while I parked.)Since we arrived here, I have encouraged him to speak up for himself and his hair. Tell them you're a boy. And when he told a teacher, "I'm a boy!" and she didn't believe him, I explained that some people just don't understand that some boys have long hair.
In New York, my child's hair was never an issue. In New York, his hair was a source of pride. When it stretched halfway down his back, he finally had the longest hair of any boy in his class and he loved it. He whined and cried through getting his hair braided, but in the end, he strained his neck and his eyes to get a good look at his beautiful new style. His daddy has long hair. We jokingly compare our hair, each of us vying for the longest curls. And we knew when we came that his long hair would be a source of conflict. But I never thought that six weeks into the school year, children and adults alike would still be coming up to me and asking me if my child was a girl or a boy.And now I am struggling. Do I cut his hair to help him fit in and diminish the teasing he has been subjected to daily? Or do I stand strong with him and try to change the very conservative culture to which I have introduced him? Do I teach him that when the going gets tough, we give in? Or do I teach him that we fight to be who we are, no matter the pain and heartache it might bring? Do I make his life easier or continue to allow him to struggle against an overpowering current? And do I teach the other children at the school that people must conform to their standards to be accepted? Or do I allow my child to be himself and teach them to accept differences?
We preach open mindedness. It is posted in every classroom. We include it in our lessons. But at this moment when the ability of children to be open minded is tested, it is not present. And in my mind, I know we must continue to teach children to be open to difference. But my heart is breaking for my seven year old, the poster child for difference in his new school. All he wants to do is fit in. Doesn't he have the right to just be himself?
